Divorce Essays (1064 words) - Family Law, Childhood, Parenting

Divorce It seems that more and more marriages are falling apart everyday. Divorce rates seen to be climbing astronomically. In so many of these divorces there are children to be considered. What is best for the child? Who will get custody? Will the child be scarred for life? Its really hard to say. The overall effects on our children vary according to the factors involved. I am going to attempt to discuss a few of the problems that can occur with children of divorced families and what parents can do to ease the transition. I will limit this discussion to infantile age thru early elementary aged children. Lets start with understanding the parents role concerning being together or being apart. Obviously, two parents can provide children with far more guidance, sustenance, and protection than one, and are more likely to prevent the kinds of psychological disturbance that may result from deprivations of these necessities ...When one parent is temporarily absent from the intact home, it is likely that the other will be available to ratify the childs needs in a loving way. This is not so readily the situation in the divorced home. ( Gardner, 1977). In this statement he illustrates the importance of having both parents together. This can be emphasized further with a statement from Buchanan, Maccoby, and Dornbusch (1996). Childrens parents are their anchors. Parents provide the structure for childrens daily lives, and even when parents are not functioning very well, children depend on them for a sense of security that enables them to cope with their developmental tasks. When one parent leaves the home, the child realizes a shattering possibility; parents are not always there. It is not hard to realize that divorce can have a devastating effect on children. Lets brake it down by age groups; infants, toddlers, and so on. DeBorg (1997) states that infants do not understand conflict, but may react to changes in parents energy level and mood. She goes on to list possible reactions like loss of appetite; upset stomach - may spit up more; more fretful or anxious. She says that parents should keep their normal routines, and stay calm in front of the child. Toddlers understand that a parent has moved away, but doesnt understand why. I know that my son was very confused. He was only two when my wife and I separated. He seemed to display allot of anger and insecurity. DeBorg says that a toddlers reactions could include more crying, clinging; problems sleeping; regression to infant behaviors; and worry when parent is out of sight. My son, his name is Cody, definitely fits this profile. He cried constantly. It seemed that nothing would calm him down. If you got him to go to sleep, good luck keeping him there. As far as infant behaviors go, his biggest problems were wanting to be rocked like when he was younger and trying to go back to the bottle. DeBorg say to allow some return to infantile behaviors, but set clear limits. Easier said than done I can assure you. Pres choolers dont understand what separation or divorce means, they realize one parent is not as active in his or her life (DeBorg, 1997). Their reactions could include pleasant and unpleasant fantasies; feeling uncertain about the future; feeling responsible; and they may hold their anger inside. Deborgs first strategy listed for parents is to encourage the child to talk. This makes sense if you are concerned with straitening out these issues of anger and feeling responsible. It seems to be the only way to really understand your childs problems. Gardner (1977, p. 42) talks of something called the oedipal phase. He explains that this occurs between ages three and five. This is the period... when a child develops a strong possessive attachment to the opposite-sexed parent. Gardner says that at times the attraction can take on mildly sexual overtones toward the opposite-sexed parent..., but the sexual desires are generally not for intercourse, the child being too young to appreciate that act. He explains that if a boy begins sleeping in Mothers bed thoughout the night, an a continual basis, the likelihood that oedipal problems will arise is great... this holds true for